Boys are dumb and so are grocery carts.

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January 7, 2013 by j1scotty

Hello people. Guess what I did this past weekend? I completed one of my bucket list items. I went to West Palm Beach and went through the crossfit certification course. Guess what else?? PEPTO AND POOP FREE! Yeah, that’s right. Didn’t even have to rip open my package of depends. Impressed aren’t you?


Ok wait, before I dive into telling you the highlights of my weekend, we need to go over grocery carts. I was proudly wearing my crossfit t that I received this weekend when I went to the store. U know where this is going..I went to unhook the grocery cart..couldn’t do it. I think it’s a trick. They are trying to make you look like an idiot. I can deadlift, snatch, clean…but I can’t unhook the damn grocery cart. I was a great advertisement for crossfit.


So I know you’re wondering if I passed? I have no clue. You have to wait 2 weeks to get your results back. Real rude. And let me tell you about that test. I studied and studied…I hate tests. This was the kind of test that went like this…..If I have 2 apples to give out and there are 2 people, how many people get apples? a.) 2  b.) 2 c.) 2 or d.) 2.  Yep, that was the whole test. Crossfit test maker uppers are sooooooo sneaky. 

Ok lets start at the start…I was able to take my cert. course here…..


west palm beach

Yep…I’m lucky to live in this state. Which brings me to boys are dumb. That’s the only segway I’ve got. This is why boys are dumb. As soon as everyone walks through the door to register all the dudes are sizing each other up. Really boys? What’s up with that? It’s a certification course not a competition! You in fact, do not know more than the trainers. Speaking of trainers..this was one..



Oh hi Chuck. Yeah it was real sad to have to look at him all weekend. 


So what did I learn?? I wish I could tell you, however my brain is fried. Something about form, and lifts, and food, and zoning your food. I’m doing it , the zoning thing. It’s gonna be a real pain in the ass, but it’s gonna be my birthday in a month and I’m trying to lock down this body. I mean I’m pushin 21. My metabolism is starting to slow.


What is zoning? Glad you asked..It’s basically eating the precise amount of protein, carbs. , and fat at each meal. You eat in blocks. Each block is contained of 7 grams of protein,9 grams of carbs., and 1.5 grams of fat. I eat 2 blocks each meal and I need 10 blocks a day. I have a list of proteins and carbs. and fats to choose from. I mean let’s face it people if we are gonna work our asses off we gotta eat like it. Plus I tried on a pair of jeans recently and went into meltdown mode. They were more like jeggings, and I was trying to tuck in my bits and pieces. 


During the weekend we broke off into groups to do practical work. Learning lifts and form. This is where I shined!!! Yep, we were in a big circle and the trainer goes..”What’s the stance for a squat, JEN?” Stupid name tag. I looked at him right in the eye and confidently said…uhhhhh what? You see I was the girl in school who tried to blend in, who looked down when the teacher asked questions. This was no exception. I never actually answered, by the time my brain started to function he moved on. Clearly he was impressed by me and my extensive knowledge about the most basic question ever.


We also had to participate in 2 workouts. 2 WODS. One of which was Fran. 21-15-9…thrusters and pull ups. Kind of a bench mark workout that everyone dreads. Ok I dread. Literally you only have 10 minutes to complete it. What was the best thing about this part though? All the boys with big heads who were walking around banging their chest got a real quick reality check. The trainers were no repping for bad form. HA!!! It made me smirk. Learn your lesson boys, girls like humility and strength. My time was 5:05 btw. Thanks for asking.


Overall the weekend was brilliant. I learned so much more than I ever thought. I highly recommend the course, not only if you want to become a cf trainer, but even as a cf participant. The way I see it is, you can never know enough or learn enough. A couple of the trainers who taught the course have been in the cf games. I was in awe and I was inspired. You can always get to the next the level. No matter what your goal is. There will always be someone better, faster, and smarter than you. Surround yourself with those people, learn from them. Shut your mouth and listen.


Cf trainers 🙂

Hopefully I can report back to you that I passed, until then I’ll be biting my nails until they are bloody nubs.

This episode has been brought to you by the letter G. G for Ganstaaaaaah, gstrings, Ghd’s, Gold teeth, Get some. Glad you stopped by. Go workout.

Speaking of hooking people up. Lauren and I will be trying out a little experiment we like to call…hooking people up. That’s right! Heads up! We will be posting our first nominee this week. Fit people meeting fit people. Oh don’t you even pretend like that’s not a requirement on your list! Needless to say we are REAL EXCITED to see what happens. We here at butts n guts are all about quality too. Ladies. Get. Ready.





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