January 26, 2013 by j1scotty
So I’ve been thinking about my 2013 bucket list that I have promised myself to complete. Every single one of them. Checked off, done. But, I’m already failing. My very first one, which in my opinion, the most important, has not been completed. Let me refresh your memory or restate it for those who have not seen what it is. Bucket list item #1: Forget about everything in the past and begin 2013 with an open mind and renewed sense of strength and self-purpose.
To be specific, I am sorely lacking on the renew my sense of strength and self-purpose part. To say my life has been hard and full of not so pleasant surprises the past four months would be pretty accurate. And my enthusiasm for the unknown has been replaced with the “geez, what could possibly go wrong next” mentality. I have had a lot of self-pity, self-doubt and regretfully self-absorbed moments the past four months. I felt like I needed to write this to say that I had an epiphany and I would like to share it.
Life is but a series of small moments. Some mean more than others, but overall the summary of these small moments makes up your life and defines who are as a person. Each decision, action and reaction made during these small molds the person you continue to grow into throughout each stage of your life. Each friendship and relationship made or lost throughout these small moments defines the type of future you are setting up for yourself. So why do so many of us wish so many of these small moments away?
Yes, some moments carry a higher value in our minds, and some shape us more than others. But each moment is defined by the same amount of time. They are all worth something and all happen for a reason to get you through to the next one. So as I have been here, wishing away these past four months of my life, or ideally just sitting by, closing my eyes and hoping the next moment will be the one I have been waiting for to turn things around for me, I have overlooked all of the great times and friendships and joys and bouts of laughter that have also occurred. I have overlooked the lessons that these hard times have taught me. I have overlooked the fact of how blessed I truly am, even though things are not “perfect” right now. I have overlooked the fact that as many of my moments have been me sitting in my comfortable house with my dog and newly filled refrigerator with all fresh produce, that there are individuals experiencing moments of despair, loss, heart attack and uncertainty of knowing when they might get their next meal. There might be individuals having moments where they are receiving the worst news of their lives. Individuals experiencing moments that could inevitably change the path of their life down a road full of destruction and chaos.
But me, I am simply just experiencing a little hardship. A little hardship with a lot of “me, me, me, what about me” mentality. And I began thinking, who is this person? This is not me, nor someone that I would want to become. Yes, it’s true that each moment carries a domino effect of what type of person you will be in the future. But even more so, how you act and respond in each moment more clearly defines who you will become and mold into becoming. So it hit me. Just today after complaining and dwelling in a self-loathing session with my bestie Jen. How I am acting and the self-pity and self-doubt that I have constantly been lugging around lately is probably the cause of 85% of the outcomes of the past four months. How I have chosen to treat each moment has led me through this path that has created this self-absorbed environment that has made me think the world is out to get me. That surely my time is soon and this phase of my life is turning.
No. I have control of my life. I have control of my moments. I have control of who I want to be. I have control. It’s funny how life works. When things are going really well, people seem to be on a high. But when things start to mellow out or when the first sign of trouble hits, people tend to hit defense mode full swing. Questions like “Why is this happening to me” “What did I do wrong” “When is going to get back to the way it was” “When is it going to get better” “Why is God letting this happen” all seem to be repeated over and over again. But at the end of the day. That’s life. That’s a continuation of your small moments. You have control of your actions and how you react to each scenario in your life. You can choose to make each experience a learning and growing opportunity or you can use it as an excuse or a crutch in order to take away and remove your self-accountability.
So I’m here to reaffirm my bucket list. Especially #1. I have a renewed sense of hope and clarity in who I am and the types of moments I want to experience throughout my short life here. And I wanted to share this because I don’t think people live each day to its full potential. Too many people wish away too many small moments, until one day they look up and realize that they just wished away 10 years. Ten years of a short life, and an even shorter young life. What you choose to do and how you choose to act defines who you are. Not what may or may happen along the way. Every single person rides the same rollercoaster, they just got on it at different times. So while some people are experiencing their highs, others are at their very lows. But you have to know and have to believe that you are the person that can make it better. You are the person in control of your rollercoaster’s speed, and you, only you, can make the conscious effort to view each part of that ride as fun, entertaining, scary, exciting, dangerous, frightening, fantastic and everything else in between. Life is but a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get…But all chocolate is good, so who I am kidding? I’ll take that box like a fat kid loves cake and enjoy every bite.
So on that note, I look forward to completing and embracing bucket list item #1 and moving on to #2: Be spontaneous and do something I never said I would do before. I’m excited for this moment. Just like I am excited, nervous, scared, elated and over-joyed to experience each new moment my life has to experience.
This episode of Butts N Gutts has been brought to you by the letter J. I think this is a little unfair for me to have J because I am very limited in my word choices BUT here we go… J for Job well done. Jolly Ranchers, very delicious. Jolly, joyful and jeers. J is for jails, try and stay away from these. J for mojitos…Okay, this doesn’t start with the letter J but it has one it, which I feel was very game. So go drink one and have a great and relaxing Saturday! Oh and J for Jen!!! Duh.