Put down the celery and have a pancake!


May 9, 2013 by j1scotty

Bitches be like..I’m not eating carbs, while they are eating a fruit salad. Get your facts straight or stop bragging. 

Sorry mom for cursing..my parents don’t like it.  They think my boys may grow up and live in the hood with their pants around their ankles because sometimes I curse. My mom cursed once, except she spelled it out. As my 16 year old son says while playing football….Ow does not cut it. Sorry mom not sorry. I am thirty…..twenty nine years old, damn, I mean dang it. I love Jesus, but sometimes I curse.

Riddle me this? Why when you people take pictures on fb and insta, why don’t you just say what you mean? You know what I’m saying. It goes like this….Had a wonderful day at the zoo with my family, and it’s a selfie pic in lingerie. We know what you’re trying to say! You’re trying to say..look how good I look, and please like my picture and tell me how hot I am, because I need self validation based on the number of likes. Or workout pics..especially crossfit..pic of the whiteboard with the workout and everyones names and times…posted with the statement…Great workout today! What you people really mean to say is..Look at my time snatches!! I beat yo ass. Try being honest, it’s more fun that way, we know what you’re trying to say anyway. Or don’t, I ain’t the boss of you. 

What I would say..Look how cute my dog is..what I really mean… Look how flat my perfectly tanned stomach is. You should be jealous.

Sometimes when I have my period I want to see how many Reeces I can shove in my mouth and digest before I throw up, other times I just want to tell everyone about themselves. Most of the time I’m calm and gentle. I’m thankful to God for all my blessings, but times like these I think… Okay why the hell am I not Beyonce and who told Keisha she can rap? I also wear pink on Wednesdays. ( movie reference, duh)


What’s that? You want a recipe? OK..I found a semi-healthy recipe for Lemon meringue pancakes…but not all paleo, so I switched it up a little. Look at my cool pic first, cuz then you’ll want to make it.


OOOOO..AHH…are you impressed? You should be. I’m impressed with myself.

Alright..it’s not hard people. It’s just making food.

  1. 3 tablespoons coconut flour

  2. If you want…add a scoop of vanilla protein powder, or just more coconut flour.

  3. 1 tsp. baking soda

  4. half banana

  5. 1 tablespoon raw honey

  6. Lemon juice from one lemon

  7. 1/2 tsp. vanilla

  8. 2 eggs

  9. 1/2 cup of coconut milk..the real stuff. From the can not carton. Coconut flour can be dry , so add more coconut milk so it’s not thick like cement. 

  10. Put in food processor. 

  11. Blend.

  12. Be amazed at yourself.

  13. Make your friends jealous of your cooking skills.

  14. So, i dont know how to use a computer, so basically now I’m stuck writing with number points

  15. sorry.

  16. For the meringue….2 egg whites…and whatever natural sweetner you wish. I used agave, about a tsp. Then..Whip it good. Whip it real good..till stiff. 

  17. Heat pan. Use coconut oil to grease. Pour batter into circles that resemble pancakes. Really people, If I need to explain how to make a pancake you shouldn’t be cooking anyway.

After your done..turn on your broiler..put pancakes on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper…put a dolop of meringue on each one and broil..just till peaks are golden brown.

Stack. Eat. Panic because it’s swimsuit season.

This episode has been brought by the letter R!! R for Rumblebumm..that’s what I was called in elementary school. Welp, that rang in to be true. Run! No don’t run, that’s boring. Be real. My parents are awesome. I know that doesn’t start with R, but it needs to be said, especially when you’re scared. 

Ok everyone! Thanks for reading! Until next time..love you, mean it 🙂




One thought on “Put down the celery and have a pancake!

  1. Michelle Richardson says:

    Tell it like it is! Hella betta than saying “it is what it is”. People who know me, know I hate that mindless phrase. Have an original thought people! Otherwise don’t waste my time having to hear your mindless phrase as if its a valid conclusion to whatever gibberish began the conversation! Anyway, thx for reading my rant. Cheers to better bathing suit relationships however stretched or loose they may be. 🙂

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